E-Portfolio Writing: Giant swing

Describe It - Camp Experiences

Learning Objectives:

Level 3

• Select, form, and communicate ideas on a range of topics.
• Use language features appropriately, showing a developing understanding of their effects.
• Organise texts, using a range of appropriate structures.
• Show a developing understanding of how to shape texts for different purposes and audiences.

Level 4.

• Select, develop, and communicate ideas on a range of topics.
• Use a range of language features appropriately, showing an increasing understanding of their effects.
• Organise texts. Using a range of appropriate structures.
• Show an increasing understanding of how to shape texts for different purposes and audiences.

Learning goals:

• To ‘Show, Don’t Tell’ the reader by painting a picture with words.
• A variety of sentence starters
• A variety of sentence lengths
• Edit and rework
• Effective peer checking and feedback

The children can see the dark blue harness while they walk to the swing.You can hear their hearts pounding while as someone saw the person before them climb down the ladder.In the uncomfortable harness the child walked over to the swing.The terrified student climbed up the ladder and the instructor clips the student in.As the instructor pulls the ladder away the shaky student says Level 3.

Slowly but gradually the terrified student gets higher.The wind is colder the higher the shaky body gets.The student feels like he's defining physics as the child starts to get a bit high for his comfort.It felt as if the harness was not there for the child.You can see the fear on the childs face as the rope stops pulling so he stops getting higher.

All you can hear is a countdown filling the empty sounding air.Then a scream.The student has been released and is swinging from side to side.As the swings got smaller the shaky body got calmer and the student came down.

Student Reflection:
In my writing one of my goals is to use different sentence beginnings and lengths.
I did show this goal here because I had lots of different sentence starters and used different sentence types to help with length.

In my writing one of my goals is to use different sentence types-simple, compound and complex.
I did show this goal here because I used different sentence types in order to help with lengths.

My next step is to support main ideas with details that fit.

Teacher Comment: Troy, this piece of writing really made me smile. I love how you've crafted it to hook the reader from the very start. You've written a moment in time, describing all the senses. You've used a variety of sentence types. Your next step is to use commas in your complex sentences to separate clauses (ideas).